Help Wanted

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I’ve decided that the most wonderful job in the world would be that of a food critic. Think about it. You would get to travel all over the world seeing exciting, interesting, exotic places and then get paid to eat the food! You would partake in every type of establishment from elite gourmet restaurants that normal people can’t even get on the waiting list to get a reservation for, to little hidden hole-in-the-wall dives that only locals that grew up in an area know about. You could sample every type of food imaginable and get paid to do it! I’m really envious of these guys.

Maybe it’s because I love to cook. I really love to cook. I love trying new dishes – sometimes things that I would never have even thought of but that I find in some little obscure cookbook somewhere. I’m always looking for new ideas and combinations. My favorite thing to do is to find a recipe and get a general idea for what I want to happen and an idea of basic ingredients and then start playing with it and adding and deleting things until I have something that is really wonderful and uniquely my creation. Little twists are fantastic!

I think maybe I’ve been watching too much Food Network. I used to watch all the cooking shows – you know, the “how to” ones where you’re instructed on how to cook things in under 30 minutes or how to feed the 5000 for under $10. Those are great for what they are, but imaginative and inventive are not words I would use to describe them. I have new favorites now. Cupcake Wars, Diners Drive-Ins and Dives, Ace of Cakes, Heat Seekers, all the versions of Iron Chef and anything that stars Guy Fieri. Every time I watch Cupcake Wars I think it should be me tasting all of those cupcakes…… I’m pretty certain I could affect a haughty accent, take a bite, savor it and then comment on things like fluffiness, lack of flavor, ingredients that don’t work well together, poor artistry on the frostings…..and occasionally throw out a positive comment to make them think they have a chance. How did these people land these jobs??

I’ve been scouring the want-ads lately. I keep hoping…….. But so far, I haven’t found any that are searching for a person to travel the world, eat in decadence on a daily basis, sometimes appear on television to report opinions and get paid a measly three figure salary. So if any of you out there have any connections……let me know……I’m available to start immediately.

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