Monthly Archives: February 2012

The Healing Properties of Wine

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I’m conducting my own research project and thus far the results are as follows:

Wine (any variety) can exhibit any or all of the following benefits:

1. Reduced care level of surrounding chaos

2. Slower speech enabling increased time to think before speaking

3. Enhanced enjoyment of all genres of music

4. Increased courage and self-esteem

5. Higher levels of food appreciation

6. Enhanced ability to dance

7. Increased ability to stay on pitch enabling karaoke/sing-alongs/drowning out the radio

8. Lower level of bullshit tolerance

9. Higher probability to stare into space thinking about nothing at all for extended periods of time

10. Enhances the phenomenal taste of chocolate

This research is incomplete, the testing is currently underway and additional results will be posted as necessary.

On Being a Grown-Up

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I’m not certain when the exact moment was, but it happened. There was a point when I realized that everything that I had allowed to form ideals in my mind, things I had read over and over, were in fact works of fiction. I’m sure it started when I was very young and started reading the tales of Snow White and Sleeping Beauty. To my young mind those characters were real, or at least had real-life counterparts; happiness, sunshine, Prince Charming and such…. As I got a little older my literary tastes changed to include Nancy Drew and The Babysitter’s Club; mystery, excitement, adventures…. Eventually I started reading Cosmopolitan and Harlequin romance novels; the perfect combinations of excitement and sunshine. Then as a “mature” adult Danielle Steel popped onto my reading radar and I voraciously consumed every novel she had written at that point….roughly 3462….give or take a few. But, no matter the author or the venue, the message remained the same. Girlhood was filled with sunshine and rainbows save for the evil queen who would attempt to ruin things for you (your mother most likely) but because of your sweetness and beauty you would be whisked away by the perfect man and your life would be nothing other than wonderful. Adolescence would be a time of adventure and excitement where you would form bonds with your girlfriends that would last a lifetime, never to be severed by outside forces; you would solve problems and save the day and be heralded a hero and would of course find true love that would last a lifetime and bring nothing but joy. Then when you reach adulthood you will have sexual experimenting and “find yourself” and become a tiger in the sack, able to satisfy your man and have him begging for more, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that he will never want anyone but you because you are amazing, all whilst climbing up the corporate ladder in your career and crashing through the glass ceilings on your way to the top. You will of course experience difficulties but nothing that doesn’t propel you forward. You will never be sad or frustrated or sick or lonely or jealous…..

Then I woke up. This stuff is called FICTION for a reason.

Real life isn’t a fairy tale or an erotic novel….it’s a melodrama, a Lifetime movie…. Days are filled with frustration and anger. Disappointment is real. We don’t all win the prize. The government is an evil queen, threatening to take away our personal liberties. We work day in and day out, often with no appreciation or recognition. Our adventures are limited to choosing between bowling and Netflix. Our pets poop in the house, they knock over the garbage can, they growl at the postman…. Our children throw fits and make bad grades from time to time and get into trouble. Our sex life slows to a mere crawl. We’re tired and grumpy and grouchy. Our dinners burn, our cars break down, we lose our jobs, we grow apart from our partners, we cry at night, our family members pass away, we gain weight, we lose touch. Of course we also get to watch soccer games and dance recitals. We see first steps and lost baby teeth. We find love, get our hearts broken, learn more about ourselves…. We smile and laugh, we make memories and take photos. We try jobs and move on when they don’t fit. We meet our neighbors and plant gardens and watch our children grow up as we grow old.

Where is the happy medium? I don’t want to let go of all my ideals.Yes, I know they aren’t very realistic, but honestly I don’t care. I want to have sunshine and rainbows and to foil the evil queen and to solve problems and be a hero. I want to have friendships that don’t disappear and I want to be a tiger in the bedroom. I want to have a respectable career and accomplish things. I want to change the world for the better. I want to matter.

I guess I want a lot. I blame books.

And for the record, I’m weaning myself slowly…I now read historical fiction. It’s a step……

Social Media Gone Wild

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I have discovered Pinterest. I had noticed recently several of my friends on Facebook making posts about “pinning” something and being the inquisitive person I am…I Googled it. I found the website and nosed around until I more or less understood what it was about. Pinterest is a site where you create pin boards and place things on your boards in an effort to organize the things you love – not only for yourself but also to share with others thus expanding their virtual horizons. I wanted in.

Much to my dismay when I clicked the “join” tab I was redirected to a form screen where I was to enter my email address in order to be placed on the waiting list. The waiting list?!?! Seriously?? While this frustrated me because I was ready to get pinning, I must admit that the suspense made me want to be a part of it even more. So after adding my email address to list of unknown length I went back to the home page and wistfully looked at all the great ideas I was at present unable to pin to my yet uncreated pin boards.

I have been checking my email diligently (every few hours) for a little over a week now. Today I hit pay dirt! My inbox had a message from Pinterest with the subject heading “Your Invitation”. Woohoo!! I’m a little uncertain as to the screening process for who gets an invitation. I envision background checks and cross-referencing with the no-fly list but in actuality it’s probably more like, “hey, it’s been a week…let the poor chick in. We’ve built the suspense up long enough.” At any rate….the invitation was mine.

I quickly followed the link provided in my message – invitations deserve a timely response after all. After entering all of my pertinent information I clicked the tab “link to Facebook.” There were only two choices….Facebook and Twitter….Twitter I do not have – or at least I didn’t. I’m redirected to another page to allow the app to run on my Facebook page. I had ALMOST hit the button when I noticed the fine print. If I allowed the app then Facebook would automatically update to the new timeline thing. I don’t want the timeline feature. I have checked out the pages of some of my friends who have updated to the new thing. I’m not a fan. I can’t seem to navigate the posts, the photos look weird to me…it’s just not to my liking. *sigh

Backpage to the sign up screen. Seems Twitter is my only other option. Let me say upfront that I see nothing wrong with Twitter. I just have not personally been drawn to use it. I have 300+ friends on Facebook and I actually talk with about 20 of them on a regular basis. I can’t imagine that I would have that many “followers”. Plus quite frankly I don’t have that many interesting things to say. At least not that many that need to be said in real-time. Most of my wittiness happens after I’ve had a bit of time to consider things…. And it seems like Twitter gets celebrities in trouble all of the time. I certainly don’t need any more drama in my life. Furthermore, I don’t understand all of the little symbols that are used in Twitter…. the “@” and “#”…. But I really wanted to create my virtual pin boards.

Cue the Twitter homepage. After creating a username – one with zero creativity I might add as it was the computer generated idea – I was guided to a page where I had to select things to “follow” in order to continue on with the sign-up process. I did this although I had no clue what I was doing. I had one friend that I knew for a fact used Twitter – I found him and “followed” him, but other than that….I now follow Jimmy Fallon, Pink, Ellen DeGeneres and Dana Holgorsen (WVU football coach). Whatever that means.

Back to Pinterest I go and choose the link to my Twitter option. All goes smoothly and I’m quickly up and running in my little world of virtual pin boards with a myriad of ideas to choose from. I can see that this new hobby will have to be closely monitored. I kinda wish it had a “parental control” tab where I could set a time limit on usage. I forsee much wasted time in my future.

So now I’m connected…..I suppose I should probably put the app for Twitter on my iPhone….that would be the next step. But I sure am linked in – quite possibly too much so.

But for now if you want to find me here ya go:

Twitter= @LCayanus        Facebook = Leslie Cayanus       Pinterest =  irishwifemom

I’ll try to think of something clever and witty to say.