Renewing Frustrations


What is it about spring and summer that bring about feelings of renewal? I’m aware of the fertility cycle and how all of nature seems to be having babies and all of the flowers are blooming and such…. But I wonder what causes us – or at least me – to feel like I need to conduct a thorough inventory on everything from my deepest feelings and hidden emotions to the dishes stacked perilously in the back of the cupboard and the matchless socks tossed haphazardly behind the bedroom chair. My husband says I should blame the pagans.

Mostly I really enjoy this time of year. I love spring cleaning – the fresh smell of clean baseboards and mopped floors, the windows thrown open, sunshine beaming into the house, flowers on the table, dinner on the deck, warm nights sipping wine in a porch chair…… I love having my kids home from school and all of the sounds of neighborhood laughter. I enjoy afternoons in the park, reading on a blanket by the flowing creek water. I really love rearranging our furniture – I’ve found this is the most inexpensive redecoration possible – sometimes I’ll even throw a new pillow on the bed or a new blanket on the sofa to add to the “whole new room” feel. And, I love the Saturday morning ritual of going to the Farmer’s Market and searching through the fresh vegetables and warm breads and taking little treats for my family home to enjoy. And sangria, I really love sangria.

But, in the spirit of honesty I will tell  you that the inner reflection part that I go through this time of year pretty much sucks for me. Here’s the way it usually works: I read something that triggers a reminder of “things” I want to do. These things have been known to range from finishing a painting that I’ve started to working on the novel that I know is buried in my psyche just waiting to be put on the page to even beginning some type of daily ritual that will end with me being fitter, healthier, more stylish, more charming, more outgoing……you get the picture.

I think the biggest hurdle for me is learning to accept myself just the way I am. I’m always looking at the things I don’t like – and there are many but I won’t bore you with the details – instead of focusing on the things that I do like. Admittedly I don’t really like much but I think that’s part of the accepting thing I need to learn. I’m trying.

Tell me what you do this time of year. Do you reflect? Do you throw out old clothes or dried up makeup? Do you take an hour everyday and write the novel you really want to get on paper? How do you overcome those feelings of inadequacy…or do you even have them?

I’m waiting on your answers – but until you share them I’ll be changing out the duvet, making sweet tea, washing windows…….darn those pagans.


3 responses »

  1. I think the pretty weather puts everyone in a better mood 🙂 I love being able to take my morning runs outside, it is so relaxing and my “me” time before I begin the day.

  2. Actually I don’t do much of anything until my daughter comes to visit and works me to death working on my apartment….the pagan thing I suppose. However, I do spend time reflecting these days. I think this comes more and more with age and sometimes with life experiences…what might have, could have, or should have been.

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