I Want To Wear Red

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I know that losing weight slowly is the healthy way. I know that if the weight gradually comes off that we are more likely to keep it off. I am aware that fad diets are typically not very healthy. I am well aware that one needs to exercise as well as make healthy eating choices in order to peel off the extra pounds. I know that nothing comes easy and that the weight didn’t go on overnight and that it certainly won’t come off that way. I realize that hoping you can drop 2 jeans sizes in a month is an unrealistic goal. I know it takes lots of sweat and time and celery to get to your target weight. I mean come on, I watch The Biggest Loser; I see the trainers yell and scream and the contestants cry and breakdown….I didn’t expect weight loss to be an easy thing.

But apparently my body has decided to rebel. It has decided that no matter how many low-calorie days I have nor how many miles I run, that it will stay at exactly the same weight. I think my belly laughs at me every time I put on that sports bra. I’m pretty sure that my metabolism, my fat cells and my endorphins have all gotten together and made a pact; they’ve decided to trick me. I’ve imagined them having this conversation; “Ok, so here’s the plan. She’s gonna take those vitamins and drink those concoctions that are supposed to make me speed up but I’m only going to give a marginal effort in increasing. Endorphin, you kick in when she runs and make her believe she’s really doing a great job so she’ll keep going. And fat, you just hang out. You don’t really need to do anything at all. You’re perfect just the way you are. Got it? Ok….ready…..break!”

I’m convinced it happens just like that. Because you see, after 4 months of exercising – yes, there are times when I only go twice a week instead of the 5 times….but there’s only been once that I took the whole week off. And we were on vacation so it doesn’t count. Anyway, 4 months of exercising along with those same 4 months of much better eating. Yes, I have an occasional doughnut and milkshake. I refuse to totally give up the things I love. If I do I’ll never keep the weight off – but wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. 4 months of exercising and cleaner eating and guess how much weight I’ve lost?!?!?!? – NOT ONE FREAKING POUND!!! NOT. ONE.

I’ve moved past the I know it’s a slow process and healthy weight loss takes time right into the severely pissed off and bitter that I’m kicking my ass on a regular basis and not seeing any changes. Not any.

No, I don’t make it to the gym 6 days a week every single week. But I’m going every week. And believe me, coming from being a rather sedentary person who’s most rigorous form of exercise was reaching for the bag of pretzels that had slipped behind the minivan driver’s seat whilst driving to a wrestling match…..hitting the gym every week on a regular basis is a huge change! I completely cut out the fast food from my diet. Yes, I have had 2 slip-ups in the 4 months – I will own up to my mistakes. But hey, I don’t think that’s terrible coming from someone who used to grab a dollar burger and fries at least once a week – ok, usually twice a week. Only 2 slip-ups! That’s pretty darn good in my book.

So what the hell?

Talk about frustrated. And this kind of frustration is different from any other. I’ve been frustrated because I had to sit in traffic and frustrated because I had too many obligations and I’ve been frustrated because I was in the mood and the hubs was too tired……this is a totally different frustration. Working hard, denying yourself things that make you happy like jelly doughnuts and greasy burgers and lots and lots of bread; and doing things that you really don’t enjoy like running for miles and lifting weights and dripping sweat – all to no avail is not easy.

I’m about to begin month 5 and I weigh exactly what I did when I started. Actually according to my scale I weigh 2 pounds more – but hey, who’s counting. I just don’t get it. And I want to give up. I really do. I’m tired of it. But I remember what I felt like when I could fit in the jeans that have been on the top shelf of my closet for the past year and a half. And I want to have that feeling again. I want to be proud of how I look and not feel like I need to try to conceal everything in non-form fitting black clothes. I want to wear red.

So I’ll keep on keeping on. But I sure could use some help. Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

I’m out….gotta go to the gym.

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2 responses »

  1. I LOVED the article……….especially the fat, endorphins, etc. talking to each other. So clever you are…………..however, although it was quite entertaining I feel your frustration. I know how hard you have been working and I can’t believe you have not lost a single pound. That just makes no sense at all. So……………..what about this. Have you thought about getting online and doing Weight Watchers or I know that Nutri System is expensive but if you would decide you wanted to do it for a month or so (its about $300. a month) I will help you do it if you would wait until September. I won’t have the money until then. Is there anyone at the gym that works with weight loss and could tell you why they think you aren’t losing weight? I love you honey………….and I admire your determination in spite of lack of results…………..I couldn’t keep doing it! Mom

    Connie

    Date: Sun, 28 Jul 2013 14:53:25 +0000 To: irishiz@hotmail.com

  2. LOL! but really, maybe you are working too hard. maybe you are exercising too much. you could be building muscle. the only way i’ve ever been able to lose lbs. is cut carbs way back. i’ve always exercised, even when way overweight. i could kick many a skinny persons ass, and you wouldn’t believe how far i could haul my big ass. wear red, anyway! at least wear red lipstick- i saw you in that once and it looked great.

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